Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Never Enough Time

I wrote earlier this summer about how excited I was to have reunited with my Dad, after a 37-year separation (a long story).

Now I've spent the past week mourning his passing.

My best estimate is that I spent fewer than 21 days with him during my life. I met him when I was a teenager and spent about a week with him and with my siblings and stepmother. Then I reunited with him this July. It took me a long time to make the decision to meet him again, but I'm so happy that I did. I can never get back those 37 years, but so many people close to my Dad have told me how happy he was that I was back in his life. And I'm happy I was back in his life.

Even in those paltry 21 days he made an impression. I already know I'm going to miss the phone calls, which almost always started with his shouting, "Whaddya know, Kiddo?" It didn't seem to matter what we talked about - he was just happy we were talking.

If only there was a giant rewind button that would allow me to go back in time and change things. I didn't think 19 years was enough time to have with my Mom, and 21 DAYS certainly wasn't enough time to have with my Da
d. My stepmom had 51 years with him, and it wasn't enough. My Dad's sisters and brother had 75+ years with him, and it wasn't enough. It's never enough.

I am thankful, though, that I at least had some time with him. And I'm thankful for all the new family I have. A sister, a brother, a stepmom, aunts and uncles, nieces and a nephew, and a whole bunch of cousins - all of whom welcomed me into the family with open arms.

I'll miss you, Dad.

6 comments:

Roberta said...

Thank you for sharing your story. It gives me hope that someday my husband and his daughter will re-connect.

Hopeful.

TesoriTrovati said...

Never enough. But perhaps we no longer have him here, but the Universe has welcomed him with open arms and his echoes will still be heard. Thank you for sharing this bittersweet story.
Enjoy the day.
Erin

B-LEE KREATIONS said...

Thanks for sharing. I have a similar story but haven't wanted to share it yet. My half sister gets very upset when I talk about my real dad since her dad raised me. Another star shining down on you. Look up, you'll see him watching you. Make a bracelet and name it after him, it will be special just like he was.

Nancy said...

Wow, sorry to hear of your loss, but so happy to hear about all of your gains. Glad you got to know him before.

Pat de Verre said...

OMG what a sad Christmas for you. It is great that you were reunited in the last day.
He always shine and live in your heart.
I had a similar story but the separation was shorter and I can understand a little your sadness.
Thanks for sharing.
Warm hugs
Pat

Carole said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Coming from someone who lost her mother at a young age (I was fifteen) and did not have a good relationship with her own father (mine was also out of my life for several years), I'm glad that you got the chance to meet up with him again. You have those wonderful memories, no matter how short of a time. And you know that the time you spent together also made him happy. Those are both things that you can keep with you, always.